Just a Little Observation

With all the significant posts waiting to be written, I’m not sure why this silly idea worked its way up the priority ladder, but it has. Besides silly, it will be a short and sweet piece.

Yesterday, I found this addressed envelope sitting atop the shredder and couldn’t help but laugh at my type A husband.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve watched him pull out a ruler before addressing envelopes. Who does this? I mean his printing looks like it could be one of the word-processing font choices on a drop-down menu – you know like “Bradley Hand ITC”. Only this script would be christened “Gary Hand GE”. (I can’t add “ITC” because the International Typeface Corporation didn’t design it, but I can include G.E. because Gary Eugene created the script, complete with “serif” – the little feet attached to the S’s. Hope you’re impressed with my fount of font knowledge.)

Anyway, this careful scripting says a lot about my old school husband and his preciseness. In general, today’s men do not print neatly, but Gar always has. In his mind, however, that’s not good enough for the Postal Department as the lines need to be straight, Hence the ruler.

I’m not sure where this habit comes from. I don’t think he’s read the high cost of illegible handwriting in the medical field; if he had, his scribble signature would be decipherable. Of course, Gar is not a medical professional; so that is irrelevant. What I do think, however, is that he a perfectionist in some areas, plus he does not want to risk late delivery of bills – which brings us to the other revelation about him. He HATES online bill-pay, and wishes I would abandon the practice. (I told him I will as soon as he takes over all the household accounting duties, which he is in the process of doing. YaY!) At any rate, he continues to mail bills or hand deliver them. Sheesh!

If any of you have received a note or card from my husband, you may remember that the envelope was addressed just as carefully as any of our bills. Feel honored. =) As a result, I have been thinking about hiring him out to address wedding invitations. Any takers?

I warned you this would be a silly post. I guess I could ask what writing about this says about me. But I won’t. And if a kind-hearted reader out there wants to take care of our car payment, you can send it to the clearly written address above.

Have a great day. R.

I’m B-a-a-a-a-a-a-c-k! Sort of …

I cannot believe I have gone so long without checking in. I have either been super busy or super tired, but I am repenting. I have so many topics I want to post – here are just a few:

1. 5 more loser writing contest entries
2. Birth stories – highlights from bringing 4 great sons into this world
3. Tribute to G.E. – a man who knows how to show appreciation
4. Part 2 of my Grandma’s story – part 1 was posted MONTHS ago
5. Tonz of adorable grandchildren pix WITH captions

That will do for now. I realize posting this list is not all that exciting for readers, but hopefully, it will serve as a BIG reminder to me. Let’s see if it works! =)

Photo compliments of some AWESOME contributor to Flickr.com.

 

… power sentences that sort of define my life – years birth through 10 …

Dear Self,

I have been an absentee blogger as of late. September was a roller-coaster month, complete with ups, downs, upSIDE-downs, cork-screws, and unsafe speeds. I am happy I survived, and I welcome October.

Before September turned psycho, I responded to one of WordPress’ pretty cool daily prompts:

For each year you have been alive, write a single sentence about the most important thing that happened to you that year. If you don’t want to get too personal, write a sentence about the most important historic event, or event most interesting to you, that happened in the world that year.

I quickly realized that 63 “power sentences” would take a long time to write and read, and so I decided to write 10 a day. I wrote the first 10 before September sabotaged my efforts. I also thought it might be a good idea to reflect upon why that event deserved its “most important” status, but that would double the length and quadruple the thinking. Suddenly, the whole idea seemed overwhelming, and I ended up saving the draft.

I just stumbled upon what I wrote nearly a month ago and decided “what the heck, push ‘Publish!’” And so I am. Whether or not these are the most important events of the year, I don’t know and I don’t want to think about it any more.

Signed, Me

1. 1948: I was born on Memorial Day – the original, static holiday, not the rotating date that allows for a 3-day weekend to welcome summer.
2. 1949: I entertained family and neighbors with non-stop jabbering, punctuated by slapping my own chubby knee for emphasis – early indications of the gift of gab and future chubbiness.
3. 1950: Mom gave me a sister, and then worried that I’d feel displaced. She spent many years making sure we both felt equally loved. 
4. 1951: I underwent a tonsillectomy, and swear I remember receiving a beautiful “Storybook Doll” from Daddy, but practical Mom insisted he return it as she deemed the luxury as  UNaffordable! 
5. 1952: Because I have NO sense of direction, my family calls me Amelia (as in Earheart), but when I was four my sister and I found our way back to our new house from Sunday School. (Maybe Connie knew the way, and I followed her.)
6. 1953: I remember, or at least think I remember, owning a puppy that was killed by a car, but I took solace in the fact that the angels truly flew him up to heaven.
7. 1954: I started first grade at a brand new elementary school, and Mom packed “exploding” 7-Up in a thermos that drenched the food in my Annie Oakley lunchbox.
8. 1955: Second grade in Mrs. Quidor’s class was highlighted by the pet parade where my reincarnated puppy showed up so I’d have a pet to parade.
9. 1956: Third grade brought the beginning and the end to my dancing career as I officially performed in a dance recital and UNofficially presented an original dance number in Mrs. Q’s “Little Theater.”
10. 1957: I really fell in love with reading because I wanted to earn a gazillion paper fish to win Mrs. Jorgensen’s Reading Fishbowl competition.
11. 1958: I knew my 5th grade teacher didn’t like me, and so I wouldn’t ask him if I could be excused to go to the bathroom even if it meant wetting my pants – which I did one time.

Important events that should have made the list:

• 1954: My grandpa died, and I knew that would be the end of sitting on his knee, licking the paper after he rolled his cigarettes, and eating his pink wintergreen mints.
• 1954: I almost choked myself to death the day I wore Mom’s yellow scarf around my neck. I took it without her permission and kept pulling the knot tighter and tighter until I thought I couldn’t swallow. By that time the knot was so tight and tiny that my teacher had to cut the scarf off my neck. I had some explainin’ to do!
• 1956: My first trip to the brand new theme park DISNEYLAND. I fell in love with the place and dreamed of working there when I grew up.  

… dreams – crazy works of fiction that entertain me all night long …

A dream is a work of art which requires of the dreamer no particular talent, special training, or technical competence. Dreaming is a creative enterprise in which all may and most do participate. – Clark S. Hall

No 50-w0rd-fiction tonight. Too tired to think right now. So I’m going to ramble a bit before hitting the hay.

I’m looking forward to beddy-bye time and another seven or eight hours of sleeping and dreaming. Even the weird dreams make me laugh – not at the time I’m wading through images like toothless wolf puppies who try to gnaw me to death OR teeth that tumble out of my mouth while I’m trying to teach a class OR showing up to school in pajamas or a robe that I can’t change out of OR teaching students that are totally out of control OR being stalked by an old boyfriend and I can’t find G.E.

I dream in genres, too. For example, I’ll experience end-of-the world dystopian dreams, a lot of sit-com dreams, a few scary dreams and occasional historical dreams. Most nights, though, I have drama dreams with amazing twists and turns that totally make sense in dreamland but turn bizarr-o once I wake up.

Of course, I’m leaving out those really entertaining details that make these episodes so unique.  But I’ll tell you about some of the interesting “stars” who make guest appearances – like David Letterman who drops by on occasion and Tom Selleck who comes around once in a while. When I dream about these guys, I’m close to my real-world age, but I’m a kid in many dreams, and when that happens, old friends from elementary, junior high, and high school join me. We have a great time!

My favorite dreams, however, feature loved ones who fly in from Heaven to remind me that they are still thinking of me so I will keep thinking of them. I always appreciate Daddy’s visits as well as seeing G.E.’s mom and dad and my grandparents. Most of the time, these dreams are very comforting, but sometimes I wake up extra lonely for them.

Wow. This post took a turn I didn’t foresee. There are only a few more days of August, and so I’ll wrap up this month of daily posting with a few more “mini-stories.” In the meantime …

Sweet Dreams!

… note to NaBloPoMo: I did post “something” on August 22 …

Dear Melissa – Mah-ve-lous NaBloPoMo Moderator,

For 21 days I have FAITHFULLY posted 50-word fictional stories or a related topic. On August 22nd I revised my fantasy piece and then commented about it when I should have POSTED the reflection about the revision.

Here is the “comment” I made about my own post, one that has caught some readers’ attention might I add. NOTE the date AND time – PLEASE!!!

rbs says:

August 22, 2011 at 8:33 PM

I don’t know if I’ve ever been the first to comment upon my own post, but I just want to say I am surprised at the “hits” this little story has received. I don’t feel it’s one of my better efforts but it is getting better as I have revised it several times AFTER pushing the “Publish” button!

Sincerely,

rbs (sniff, sniff)

… 50-word freaky fiction: Possession

“Sid must have hit a dead zone,” I thought after the dropped call. Waiting a minute, I punched in “7″ when a string of “z’s” suddenly zoomed across the screen. I pushed the “home” icon, but the z’s changed to “y’s” until a sentence stuttered its message.

“Y-y-y-o-u-r   c-c-c-c-a-l-l-e-r  i-s-s-s   d-d-d-d-e-a-d!”

… 50-word fiction ~ EVERYday for 31 days …

Note: Because I have absolutely NO challenges in my life, and because I have little to do, I decided to bring on some craziness as I am SO sane and all. To jazz up my days, my writing, and my attempt to stave off Alzheimers, I registered with NaBloPoMo AGAIN. How could I not? The theme is FICTION!

To place time constraints on this project, I decided to play around with 50-word Fiction/Stories. I may scrimp on the word-count, but hopefully not on creativity. Let me know what you think. About the stories; NOT my mental condition. 

Bug-out Bag

Why didn’t I take Family Home Evenings seriously? Especially nights when Mom

72-Hour Kit ~ aka Bug-Out or Blow-Out Bags

produced giant garbage bags and begged us to organize 72-hour kits.

B-O-R-I-N-G.

I thought Mormons did this for “fun.”  And to prepare for IMPROBABLE catastrophes.

Wrong-o.

I didn’t know about the Zombie Apocalypse. Why didn’t Mom mention that?

SOME things never change. Mom still can't drive a van.

… you had me at yarmulke …

While visiting Layton Hills Mall in search of a Chick Fil A, I wandered past a kiosk cart and committed the cardinal sin of avoidance: I made eye contact with the sales associate. I know better. BUT this sales person was not the run-of-the-mill Utah-mall cart clerk. He was Jewish. And

What every good salesmen should wear.

how did I decipher that? Because he was wearing a yarmulke/kippah/skull cap! A dead give-away. Maybe I should say a DEAD-SEA give-away because the young man – probably early 30s – was selling Dead Sea salt scrub and other related products.

Before I knew it, I was scrubbing my hands with the product and listening to Jewish jokes – I think they were jokes, not sure, as they were mixed in with “You’re killing me, Renae;” and “Are you Jewish? I thought maybe so because you’re so cheap.” (Not sure how to take that because I hadn’t uttered a word at that point except to tell him my name. Was he stereo-typing himself or insinuating that I looked sleazy?Because he ended every comment with “just kidding,” I decided not to take offense. Maybe he was trying out jokes on his way to stand-up comedy or something like that.)

After a few more jokes(?), another demonstration, 4 descriptions of the wonder products, a list of the “regular” prices, followed by “but I can give these to you for this much,” 2 attempts to decline the generous offers, I CAVED. But I didn’t buy all four treatments – just two. A minor victory. And while I didn’t get a “deal,” I didn’t pay more than the Internet price either.

 

While I don’t know if Dead Sea salt is any better than table salt, sea salt, the Great Salt Lake salt, I do

This set sells for $59 on Amazon. My daughter-in-law makes them, but they are filled with rice for $.59 - if that.

know I’m a patsy for salesmen who wear yarmulkes. You see this is the second time I’ve fallen for a pitch delivered by a Jewish guy. Last time I bought one of those herbal heat wraps that you throw into the microwave to warm up before soothing your neck, back, shoulders, etc. Or you can chuck them into the freezer to cool off said joints. I can’t remember what I paid for it, but I know it cost more than I thought it was worth. Worse yet, I’ve used it maybe once! WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?

Do I feel like I have joined the generations of peoples and nations that have persecuted these folks if I don’t buy their products? I’ve heard there is Jewish guilt, Catholic guilt, and I am sure there is also Mormon guilt because I fold EVERY time as I don’t want to offend their religious beliefs, judge their culture, or destroy the fragile peace that hangs by a thread in the Mideast.

What that has to do with body scrubs, exfoliates, or herbal heat wraps, I don’t know. But I’m not taking any chances. And if anyone wants to sell me the proverbial beachfront property in Nevada, just don a yarmulke and sign me up.

… maybe these shots won’t make it into the Royal Wedding Album, but still …

Speaking of unsolicited email messages, I received one a couple of weeks ago that I did NOT research via Snopes. Although the originator of this message is A.Nonymous – which is usually the case – I trust the content as the images speak for themselves!

The Royal Disney Wedding

Well, the royal couple has been married for nearly a month, and while reviewing the billions of wedding photos, the two were startled to find some taken by a Disney Studio photographer. They didn’t realize Mickey was part of the crowd of paparazzi!

… “lollypop, lolly pop, OH! LOLLY, LOLLY POP!” … may be the most disgusting treat IN THE WORLD!

It is DAY 23 of posting EVERY DAY IN MAY! Sheesh! I do have some important things to write about, just not tonight. Mondays are always SO tough, aren’t they? And this has been a pretty rotten day for some family members and friends.

To liven things up, I pulled out a photo taken by Grand-daughter Taylor. It features a VERY creepy, crawly, AND CRUNCHY treat I brought back from Albuquerque. Believe me it took courage to even buy these little suckers! And I just know there is a story to be told about how these “alacranes” found themselves in such a predicament!

Which do you prefer: Pineapple, blueberry, or apple SCORPION???

Maybe we could retell a favorite tale – something like “3 Little Scorpions.” They crawl off through the desert to seek their fortune but end up swimming in vats of artificially flavored corn syrup. Imprisoned in their glass-like houses, the 3 are packaged and trucked many more miles until they end up in the home of the bravest kid on earth – one who actually EATS the suckers … scorpions and ALL.

YUKKY!!!!